


hard feelings

by jilylicious



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Abuse, Alternate Universe, Angst, Child Abuse, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jegulus, Little Bit of Everything, M/M, Marauders, Marauders era, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:35:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23829958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jilylicious/pseuds/jilylicious
Summary: in a parallel universe Sirius grabs Regulus' arm right before he vanishes into thin air when he's sixteen
Relationships: Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Regulus Black/James Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 182
Kudos: 624





	1. Chapter 1

“Dragging me into your _bullshit_ ,” exclaimed the slightly shorter boy as he clumsily dragged the taller one with him through the mud. It was quite dark outside but you could pick their shadows when they walked by street lamps. “I never asked for this and you took me with you without even bothering to check in with!”

“You would rather I left you there?” asked the seemingly injured boy. They looked like each other’s twins, especially with both their hair wet from the pouring rain, but they had these little differences to the way they behaved. The shorter boy almost had a hunch on his back and the taller one stood too tall despite the fact that he couldn’t walk. “Did you really think this is something I wanted to do? I would rather _die_ than leave you behind, Reg.”

“You almost did because you ran your mouth like an idiot,” said Regulus as he kept trying to make sure Sirius was doing okay. “You are heavier than you look.”

“I’m not,” grinned the older one despite the pain he was feeling. “You are just shit at carrying injured people.”

“Would you rather _crawl?_ ”

Sirius let out a small bark of a laughter before he pointed out to the big mansion fifty feet away from them.

“I don’t understand why you didn’t just say the full address Siri,” complained Regulus as he hoisted his brother once more.

“And risk them knowing where we were going to?” asked Sirius with an incredulous look on his face. “They would have been waiting for us by the door before we could say Quidditch, you know that.”

“You’re right,” sighed Regulus, taking one more step towards the large, crisp white mansion so different from their dark and secluded manor at Grimmauld Place,12. “You’re absolutely right. Do you think Potters would be fine with having me with you?”

“The more the merrier if you ask them,” he smirked and grimaced at the same time.

They walked the last few feet without uttering a word and Regulus politely rang the doorbell as Sirius attempted to bang the door.

“You’re going to give them a heart attack, you bloody idiot, it’s the middle of the night” he said before pushing his wet hair from his face to look a bit more presentable just like they had taught him as he was growing up. Looking good was half the job done as far as the Blacks were concerned.

Then the door opened and James Potter just blurted out a very loud sequence of blasphemies without moving an inch.

“You know it’s cold out, right?” asked Sirius holding onto the door frame while waiting for his best friend to let them in.

“Sirius, what the fuck?” he asked as he got his arm under Sirius’ other shoulder relieving the weight on Regulus’ body. James’ hand brushed Regulus’ cold one for a second and Reg could have sworn the boy was one fire.

“We ran away.”

“ _We?_ ”

“Yes Prongs,” he replied calmly. “Me and my little brother than I am responsible of.”

“I am not a kid,” intervened Regulus as he looked around to understand where they were. They were obviously in the Potter Manor but where were James’ mother and father, hadn’t they heard the commotion?

“You are not a kid but I am still older than you Reg and I dragged you with me, remember?”

“Okay,” sighed James. “Let’s get you both some towels, preferably heated by my mothe—oh hi, mum!”

James greeted his mum as if there weren’t two boys standing in the entrance of their house soaked to the bone, dragging mud from the outside. One of them trying to look as if he was still a prince fixing his hair and clothes constantly and the other was all bloodied up. He said “oh, hi mum” as if every other day a stranger rang their door, said they ran away from home with their brother and took refuge in their house.

“Oh my,” was all that came out of the poor woman’s mouth before she carefully grabbed both of the Black brothers’ hands and took them to a large bathroom where she handed them towels that never got wet or cold. She slowly but surely healed Sirius’ wounds and scourgified both of them for the time being. She said they could have a shower after they explained what was going on. That, Reg thought, meant they weren’t getting in the shower for the next three hours because Sirius didn’t know how to shut up and most importantly, Reg thought, someone should know. Someone who cares should be aware of what just happened and what they just ran away from in the middle of a cold night.

Euphemia Potter was older than their mother but her features made her look younger and definitely kinder. Her voice sounded like honey on warm bread. She had the demeanour of a Healer and she was really good at it, too, but Reg knew that wasn’t her profession.

Euphemia sat with them in their living room with the fire burning in the fireplace and stared at them as she stared at her own son. Reg found that interesting, that she could feel the same way about someone else as she did for her son. She didn’t ask any questions and she gave them hot tea. Reg took one cautious sip only to realise it was proper tea, too, like the ones they had in Grimmauld Place, not like the ones they gave at the _fancy_ places they went to for their family affairs.

Sirius seemed better than he did two hours ago which meant he was ready to speak. He went on and on about the abuse they faced in their family and how shit hit the fan when they found out Sirius was not only friends with a mudblood but he was dating one. They didn’t find out _per se_ , Sirius shouted it at their faced right before getting struck in the face by their mother.

Sirius explained how their family values worked, what they expected of them and he even mentioned getting the Mark. That was a secret that shouldn’t have been placed on anyone else’s shoulders but theirs. Yet, Sirius seemed to trust the Potters, maybe even more than he trusted his own brother.

Reg could feel the stare of the Gryffindor chaser on him as if he wasn’t sure of what he was doing there, as if he was not wanted there and that would make sense. It wasn’t like Reg was _Brother of the Year_ but he was there and there was nothing Potter could do about it. Sirius wanted Reg to get out of the house with him and so he had, now he was sitting on a soft cushioned sofa with a towel around him and staring at his feet.

Regulus could also feel her stares, too, but they were softer than James’. Hers were curious. She wanted to know something but she wasn’t sure if she could ask. Euphemia knew Sirius from James but him, she probably never heard about him before.

“How are you doing, Regulus?” she asked finally after Sirius had decided he dumped enough information on the poor woman. “You seem unscathed.”

“I am doing fine, Mrs. Potter,” he silently replied. “Thank you for asking and thank you for accepting me with my brother into your house. I know you don’t kno—”

“Child,” scolded Euphemia and she let her hair fall free out of the bun it was in. “You are family to Sirius and Sirius is family to us. You have a place here as long as you want to stay here.”

“Told you, it would be fine.”

“Shut up, Siri.”

“Alright boys,” said Euphemia as she got up with an agility Regulus wouldn’t have expected from a woman of her age. “Enough drama for one day, everyone to your rooms. Both of you need a good night’s sleep and you don’t need James distracting you from it.”

She waved her wand as she got out of the living room turning each light off as she kept walking towards the staircase.

“I made some arrangements in the guest room and you boys have your separate rooms once you go inside,” she smiled as she started climbing up the stairs. “If you need anything, James’ room is right across yours and our room is at the end of the corridor. Fleamont isn’t home yet, his meeting must be running longer than intended but regardless, you can wake us up anytime.”

“Don’t you have a house elf, Mrs. Potter?” blurted out Regulus before he could stop himself and earned himself a look from Sirius and his insanely raised eyebrow.

“We do, dear,” she said calmly. “But why bother her when I would enjoy helping you more than anything?”

Regulus nodded since he didn’t have an answer to that. Black brothers were raised by house elves. Their parents never took joy in any part of their raising, they were mere pawns in their game for dominance in the Wizarding World. Two sons in one of the most important Pureblood families in the Sacred 28, what a joy it must have been for two seconds after they were born.

Regulus slowly took of his clothes and put them on the dresser nearby. As he got into the soft bed he could hear his brother talk to James on the other side of the door. He tried not to pay any attention to it thinking they might be talking about the _Marauders_ or whatever they called themselves but he heard his name and now all he could do was listen in on their conversation.

“What did you expect me to do?” whispered Sirius urgently.” Leave him behind in that wretched house?”

“Of course not!” replied James with slight shame in his voice. “That’s not what I’m insinuating Pads. I would never suggest anything like that. I’m just saying he doesn’t seem comfortable, you should make sure he is okay with staying with us. Like mum said, he can stay forever if he _wants_ to, he is your family Pads, it makes him my family, too.”

“I’m sure it’s just shock,” answered Sirius defeated. “We are not used to people being nice to us, Prongs and your mother might have been a bit too much to handle for a boy whose understanding of love is limited to not being beaten by his mother.”

Regulus shivered at the thought of that. Sirius wasn’t wrong, was he? They never knew what parental love was. For them, parents were nothing but authority figures that happened to share their blood with them. Regulus genuinely felt overwhelmed by the reaction James and his mother had regarding the spontaneous appearance of the Black brothers. However, Regulus had previously thought, in the half an hour they spent coming here, that he would have hated it here, not that he loved the place he called home but he never thought he could fit in in a house like this where people cared. Walburga had taught them from a very young age that caring would get in the way of everything that was important to their family values. You were _toujours pur_ until you cared and Regulus, he never really cared about anything except his brother up until this point. No one had cared about him except Sirius and Kreacher. Regulus slowly realised he didn’t know what he was getting himself into by letting himself stay and be cared for in the Potter home but he had a feeling it wouldn’t be easy for him to break down some of the walls Orion and Walburga had built for him and for Sirius’ sake he wanted to try and fit in with his best friend’s family.

As he pulled the covers over his body, Regulus heard Sirius open the door of his own room. He stood there for a while probably contemplating whether he should come in or not. Then, Regulus heard a faint knock on the door, the way he used to knock on Regulus’ door when they made their parents mad.

“You awake?” mumbled his brother.

“I am Siri,” he replied back sitting up right as Sirius made his way towards him in the dark room. He slowly sat on Reg’s bed to speak to him.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?

“For putting you through this,” he said with his head hung low. “You never had any problem with them and I put you in harm’s way because I can’t behave for shit.”

“I mean you’re right,” smiled Regulus for the first time since they left Grimmauld Place, Sirius couldn’t see the smile but he could hear it. “You really can’t behave for shit but I also think they would have made a monster out of me if I had stayed behind just to make them happy. I’m glad you brought me with you Siri, they seem amazing.”

“We’ll be fine Reg,” declared Sirius to Regulus, but mostly to himself. “We’ll be fine.”

“Sure Siri,” he replied as he but an assuring hand on his back. “Now go to sleep, who knows what expects us tomorrow.”

“Don’t remind me,” laughed Sirius as he got off of Regulus’ bed. “But it will be nice to sleep without having to think what pain tomorrow will bring though, won’t it?”

“It really will be,” said Reg before he drifted off to sleep before his brother closed the door.


	2. Chapter 2

“We have to be smart about this.”

“Well, obviously,” sighed Euphemia. “They can’t get their hands on them, I won’t let them.”

“I won’t either,” said the man Euphemia was talking to who Reg assumed to be James’ father. “They will do anything from saying we kidnapped them, to going to the Ministry of Magic to get them back. They might even come here Euphemia, they have been here before.”

“Well,” she continued somberly. “Then we will increase the protection wards and be ready for any unexpected visitors.”

“I will get to it,” the old sounding man replied. “I believe we can get away with it by saying they are here just for the break.”

“They are not though,” she replied. “I am not letting them go until Sirius is 17 and is able to take care of them.”

There was silence now as Regulus turned in his new bed, trying to adjust to the light coming through the window behind his bed.

“Alphard called.”

Regulus felt his chest tighten. Uncle Alphard was the black sheep of the family. They were black sheep, too, now weren’t they?

“Alphard Black?” said Fleamont, he couldn’t hide the shock in his voice.

“I was shocked, too,” confessed Euphemia. “He just appeared in the fireplace.”

“First of all, don’t we have protective spells for the fireplace? Second of all, does he know the boys are here?”

“Yes and yes,” she replied. “I don’t know how he got through the wards but he flooed in to check if they were safe and sound and well… to say he could send money to them.”

“That surely is unnecessary.”

“That’s what I said,” shot back Euphemia and Regulus heard a door open just then. “Oh James, good morning darling.”

“Morning mum,” he replied with a hoarse voice. “Morning, dad. How was last night?”

“Oh, the usual,” he laughed. “Boring diplomatic conversations with boring people. I would have much rathered be here. I heard you had an eventful night.”

“Well,” said James sounding a little scared from what Reg could tell. He had never heard him sound desperate.

“Don’t tell me you thought I would have a problem with this James?”

“I don’t know, I mean y-you work so hard and— and,” he stopped to catch his breath. “And I love Sirius like a brother and would never put him in harm’s way, I just thought that maybe.. maybe you wouldn’t want them because you come home tired and barely get to spend time with us let alone have two additional mouths to feed and I—”

“James, stop.”

And he did. James Potter stopped.

“You are being ridiculous,” asserted Fleamont and Reg heard the reassuring pat on James’ back. “They can stay as long as we can evade their parents. You know they will try to take them from us. If only one of them had ran away maybe we could have managed but this will be tricky. I hope you trust me, I will do everything in my power to keep them from going to that wretched place. Even if we didn’t have enough money to take care of them, and we do, I would have never sent them back to an abusive home, _ever_.”

“Thanks, dad.”

“That was an unnecessary ‘thanks’.”

“You always say that when I say ‘thank you’.”

“I know, I just like seeing you flustered,” he said and Regulus could hear the smirk in his voice. Reg could have sworn he smirked the same way James Potter did before even meeting the man. “Go get your friends now, time for breakfast.”

The door opened so fast Reg didn’t have time to pull the covers back on himself. He was lying there in his underwear because they didn’t have pjs and James just barged in unannounced. There was a split second where Reg could have sworn he looked him up and down but it lasted so short, he wasn’t sure so he just let it go.

“Why aren’t you dressed?” he yelled slightly.

“Not like I picked up my pyjamas as we were _running away_ ,” Regulus replied sarcastically pulling the covers back on himself.

“That’s why mum left some on the desk,” said James gesturing to the dark grey pyjamas right there on the table and wiped the knowing smile from Regulus’ face.

“Well I didn’t see them,” mumbled Reg.

“You better be dressed for breakfast though,” he laughed, his laughter reaching his eyes. He walked towards Sirius’ door before shouting “We wouldn’t want you to leave a bad impression on my dad. SIRIUS GET UP YOU BUFFOON!”

“Okay, I’m up… I’m up!” blabbered Sirius as he pushed James outside of his room. “See you downstairs Reg.”

Regulus walked into the spacey kitchen where a house elf was preparing breakfast with Mrs. Potter. He tore his eyes away from the weirdness of the situation and looked at who was sitting at the table. There he was, Fleamont Potter. The founder of an empire of hair products that Sirius and Regulus weren’t allowed to use because Potters were blood traitors that accepted mudbloods and Muggleborns into their society, and picked them over Purebloods. When he thought about it like that, that was the stupidest rule their parents forced on them because Sirius had gone and got their son as his best friend. The more you try to repel something, the more it flies towards you like moths to the flame.

The man sitting at the head of the table had dark hair with several whites among them and he was reading The Daily Prophet as he took frequent sips from his tea. James Potter had taken many things from his mother regarding his behaviour and the way he talked but the rest, it was all Fleamont. Regulus couldn’t figure out where James inherited the mess he called hair but the rest was from his father, for sure.

“Good morning m’boy,” smiled Fleamont, the way it reached his eyes reminded Reg of James’ smile. “Would you like some tea?”

“I would love some, sir,” replied Regulus as he sat across from James.

A cup of tea slowly floated through the air and landed in front of Regulus, the smell was so good, Regulus smiled unintentionally.

“You know your tea,” said Mr. Potter as he took another sip from his. “I got these from India the last time we visited relatives of ours, I am a tea connoisseur of sorts.”

“I can tell, sir,” said Regulus and took a warm, flavourful sip.

“You don’t have to say ‘sir’ when you speak to me, son,” reassured Fleamont. “We don’t have those kinds of rules in our house. If you are kind, you get kindness in return. We support each other and lift each other up, nothing else is necessary. Also Euphemia told me you had reservations about staying here thinking you might not be welcome and that’s the stupidest thing I hope I ever hear coming out of your mouth.”

“Thank you s—I mean Mr. Potter.”

“That sounds better,” he smiled and went back to his paper as plates of delicious smelling breakfast starting flying towards the table. Regulus lifted his gaze up to James to see him staring at him with that knowing smirk that was so him. Reg always saw James as competition but felt that the boy never thought about him like that. Reg felt threatened when Sirius came back after his first semester that Sirius would leave him behind since he found new friends that could be with him but now, he felt like he misjudged James Potter. Reg still didn’t know him that good but he felt like he wasn’t as stuck up and as mean as people made him out to be. They just had to see him under a different light and Reg had the opportunity to.

Sirius was the last to come to the table right before everything was ready. It was right then that Reg realised he never remembered a family breakfast like this in the Black house. They only had big family dinners where no one paid attention to the kids but nothing like this in the mornings. Fleamont put his paper to the side and they dug into the food on their plates. There was so much flavour even though there was nothing Reg hadn’t tried before. He didn’t know how to ask but he felt like he was at the Great Hall during a feast.

“It’s the spices,” said James out of the blue.

“I’m sorry?” replied Sirius.

“Both of you are having an out of body experience,” he laughed and his parents joined him. “You never had proper food because you never ate proper spice before, that’s where all of those flavours are coming from.”

“It’s a shame we have been eating dried wood for ages,” Sirius said as he shoved another spoonful of beans in his mouth.

“What he is trying to say is,” Regulus elbowed his brother. “Thank you for the lovely food, it is very delicious.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“I know you’re tired of talking about this,” started Fleamont with a sigh. “But we need a plan in case your parents try to get you from here. Now, we have increased the spells protecting the house but they are still legally your guardians and I will do anything in my power to keep you here but it might get messy.”

“We would expect nothing less,” added Sirius nonchalantly. “Our wish is that they wouldn’t do anything to bother you but James was the only person I could think of last night and we—well, we had nowhere else to go. I would have gone to Uncle Alphard but we needed to Apparate and well, I don’t know how to, yet.”

“Alphard reached out to us to learn if you two were safe,” chimed in Euphemia. “You can Floo him whenever you’d like but I gave him an update.”

“You know Uncle Alphard?” said Sirius excitedly.

“Well of course m’boy,” smiled Fleamont. “He is the only Black besides you two and Andromeda that I can hold a conversation with without wanting to hex them.”

“Fleamont!”

“What?” he asked his wife with a grin, winking at Reg and Sirius. “I am only being truthful.”

Regulus stayed silent for the rest of the breakfast. He drank loads of tea and smiled politely as he acted like he was listening to the conversations they were having. As they approached the end of their meal Euphemia made a small gesture with her wand to send the dishes to the sink and got up.

“Let’s go Sirius,” she said with urgency. “We need to tend your wounds.”

“It’s nothing, it will heal by tonight.”

“Sirius!”

“Yes, Mrs. Potter,” he said and got up defeatedly.

“And I need to be checking a new formula for Sleakeazy’s,” began Fleamont as he moved to leave the kitchen. “You’re more than welcome if you want to join but I reckon it would be boring for you.”

“If it’s alright with you I would love to get some air outside,” said Regulus without lifting his stare from the carpet on the floor.

“Of course Regulus,” he said and took his leave. Reg started walking towards the corridor to go out to the back yard.

“Mind if I join you?” asked James softly and Reg would mind it, he just needed some time to clear his head but instead he lied.

“No, come along.”

They went out and it was chilly again but Reg felt good with the cold against his skin. James had grabbed a sweatshirt as they walked out and was trying to wear it. Reg slowly sat down on one of the dry chairs on the patio and started watching the dark clouds.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Sorry?”

“There’s something on your mind.”

“Well, yeah” Reg grumbled. “Wouldn’t you have several things on your mind if you were in my shoes? We just ran away from the only place we called home and now we’re here and it’s going to get even messier.”

“Are you always this sarcastic?”

“No, only when people ask stupid questions.”

“I am only trying to talk to you Reg,” declared James and threw his hands up. “I don’t know how to make you comfortable and it’s making me nervous. I am not used to people feeling out of place when they are in my vicinity.”

“Don’t expect me to be friends with you in two days, Potter,” Reg commented. “We may be acquainted with each other but I only know you through Siri. Excuse me if I’m not like my brother.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to be,” sighed James and he leaned back in his chair, defeated. “I was—I was just trying to be nice.”

“Well, A for effort I guess.”

“Thanks,” he replied and they sat in silence for a while before Sirius burst out the door.

“James!” he yelled excitedly. “Your mother said you needed to sort out the mess in the attic and asked me to help you. I have never done shit like this before, let’s go.”

“Reg, are you coming?” asked James after Sirius ran back inside but the tone of his voice sounded like he knew the answer.

“Actually, I’d rather stay alone for a while.”

“Okay,” he replied. “We’ll be in the attic if you need us.”

“Hmm.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idiots to friends to idiots to lovers is the hill I will die on


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to write the situation from james' pov in this chapter, it won't happen very frequently but I just needed someone to observe from the outside - hope you guys like it

James had no idea how the past few days came to be. First he had two boys standing at his door with mud all over them. Next, they were having breakfast all together. Then, Reg blew him off for no fucking reason. Now, his dad was having a screaming match with someone through the Floo to keep the Black brothers safe.

“This is our fault,” whispered Regulus looking as if he was about the start rocking back and forth like a small child. “He is in this position because of us.”

James didn’t say anything because there was no lie to that statement in the sense that it was due to their showing up that his dad was currently having a very heated argument. His father knew this was about to happen sooner or later and he was prepared for it. Actually, he was surprised it took two days before hell was unleashed on their household. Everyone expected this, everyone _except_ Regulus and Sirius it seemed. Reg kept staring at the carpet below his feet, never met James’ or anyone else’s eyes for that matter and it drove James mad that he couldn’t get through to the boy. James had always been the one everyone could trust and be friends with. A werewolf, a bullied kid and well, Sirius was in his own league. Getting through to Regulus had become a competition for him now and he was planning to succeed whether the younger Black brother liked it or not.

James had tried being funny, being empathetic and even being desperate but nothing had worked in the past two days. He had no problem with Sirius being around all the time because they already spent most of their time together but if Regulus was going to stay around, there had to be some kind of friendship between them. It was impossible for James to ignore anyone even if it was easy for Regulus to do so. He didn’t expect much but he wanted to be able to hold a conversation with Reg if this was the situation they were going to be in from now on. James thought maybe Reg half-expected to be back home before the school started therefore he doesn’t need to form any relationships beside the bare minimum. As far as James could tell though, his parents were not about to go and drop the kids back at their home because Fleamont and Euphemia had no tolerance regarding abuse. His parents had tried their best to give James the best life he could ever have and since they couldn’t have as many kids as they wanted, they were very passionate about helping children in need. The fact that they couldn’t have as many children as they wanted made them even more wary of those who didn’t appreciate their children and hurt them in any way. If it was a complete stranger and wasn’t Sirius who came knocking at their door, Euphemia and Fleamont would have let them stay in their house, too, because that was just who they were.

The screaming match was continuing as heatedly as it began and Regulus was looking worse every passing minute. James turned to look at Sirius who tried to look nonchalant but was failing miserably. He didn’t say anything as they kept on trying to listen to what James’ father was saying. They couldn’t make out the words but it was pretty obvious there was a problem.

“Okay,” began James, louder than he intended to. “Enough with this shit, let’s go outside and get some fresh air.”

Neither of them replied to James’ suggestion instead, they both dug their fingers into their ivory skins and kept looking at the carpet.

“Oi! The carpet is _always_ there. Now let’s go!” he yelled as if he was giving directions to the Gryffindor Quidditch team and it worked. They both got up and dragged their feet through the corridors to make it to the patio. It still was chilly outside but none of them seemed to care. James realised he had to give a speech, he was good at giving speeches, at least that was what he was told, and this moment called for a speech.

“You both really need to stop acting like this is your fault,” he said softly, letting them sit while he stood in front of them. Reg looked up just to roll his eyes, Sirius didn’t even react to what James just said.

“It’s not your fault,” he repeated reassuringly. “It’s your parents’ fault and it will _always_ be their fault. You both haven’t done anything wrong, promise.”

“Well,” sighed Sirius. “If we didn’t do anything wrong, why is your dad having the time of his life upstairs?”

“That’s not because of you,” said James before he realised how stupid that would sound. “That sounded better in my head. What I meant was, that’s not due to you both being with us. That’s a lie, too but… That’s because my dad would rather scream at anyone who says that you both should be sent back rather than send you back to that… that _place_.”

“It’s our home Potter,” hissed Reg with burning eyes. James never knew grey could burn. “You can say it.”

“No,” shot back Sirius as he pushed his fingers through his hair. “It never was Reg, it was just somewhere we were born and were _kept_ in.”

“At least no one fought over us,” murmured Reg with guilt in his voice.

“Because we had to fight for ourselves and look where that got us,” replied Sirius as he touched the scar on his cheek.

“It could have just been you but you _had_ to drag me with you,” said Regulus and now James could sense the malice in his voice. James thought Reg could cause pain solely with his words if he wanted to, that was something he inherited from his mother and that was a characteristic that made him dangerous. “I never asked you to save me, I could have managed.”

“Oh, sure,” laughed Sirius in a way that made James’ blood freeze. He knew that laugh, he had heard it before and nothing good ever happened after that. “Getting the Mark was the dream for you, then?”

“STOP TALKING ABOUT THE GODDAMN MARK!” shouted Reg and before James knew both of them were on their feet and mere inches away from each other.

“Why does it bother you so much, Reg?” asked Sirius slowly. His eyes were darker than James had ever seen them. “Why does it bother you _so bloody much_ to talk about the Mark? Were you going to get it? Was that the endgame?”

“BETTER ME THAN YOU, YOU ABSOLUTE PRICK!”

Sirius’ eyes widened as he took a step back and looked at his brother incredulously. James had never seen him this stunned and that was saying something since he had Stupefied him several times. Sirius slowly sat back down and lifted his head up to look at his brother. He seemed so small, the Sirius that was trying to hurt his brother a moment ago was gone and now, a broken boy was sitting in the garden chair.

“You don’t mean that,” he blabbered, that was all he could say before he started rubbing his eyes. “You _can’t_ mean that.”

Reg walked slowly by his side and got on his knees before him as a father would with his child. He held onto his brothers arms and tried to catch his eyes but it seemed impossible. James wasn’t sure if it was shame, anger or both but James had only seen this part of Sirius once and that wasn’t a good memory. It reminded James that he hadn’t let the others know of Sirius’ whereabouts, not that Remus of all people would have wanted to know. Maybe it was the combination of last year’s _events_ and this, but Sirius never seemed so _small_.

Reg was trying to help him catch his breath and get a grip but it proved impossible. James slowly sank next to Reg and looked at him with pleading eyes. Regulus moved slightly so James could assume the same position as him. He reached through Sirius’s arms to pull him into a hug so he could let it go. James knew Sirius like the back of his hand and he knew crying was something he had trouble with. Sirius didn’t cry much but James knew crying helped him a lot. He had once told James that crying had always been a problem with Walburga who thought it was a sign of weakness and Blacks weren’t allowed to be weak. The moment Sirius put his head in the crook of James’ neck, he started shaking and James could feel his t-shirt get wetter by the minute. James turned his stare to Regulus, who was now sitting on the floor like a toddler, and saw the shock on his face. He figured Reg probably had never seen Sirius cry, or cry like this, but James had had to deal with this several times throughout their Hogwarts adventures.

“I n-never meant for th-this to h-happen,” stuttered Sirius in between his hiccups. “I never wanted you to suffer, never meant to hurt Moons… I never meant to put Reg through this. I’m a nuisance to anyone who has the misfortune to meet me.”

“No,” replied James as he rubbed his back softly. “No, you don’t say shit like that to me, Pads.”

“But I am.”

“No,” he argued. “You are an idiot at times but you are not a nuisance; not to me and not to Reg. Right, Reg?”

James tried to reach out to Regulus who was staring blankly at the garden and not his brother. He tried to nudge him with his feet but couldn’t manage to.

“ _Right, Reg?_ ” asked James again but with a louder voice this time.

“Huh? Yes, yes of course.”

They stood like that for another five minutes before Sirius pulled himself back and James let himself go to sit on the floor like Regulus did. Reg looked at him like he wanted to say “thank you” but didn’t have it in him to do so but James smiled back regardless to say “no worries”. Like Reg had said, they weren’t going to be friends in two days but at one point, Reg was going to have to accept the fact that now they were in his house and that there were some rules like the fact that no one could ignore James Potter. If it was a breakdown that meant Reg would take him seriously as someone who was trying to get to know him and befriend him well, then that was fine. They were all staring at each other and James wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence this time.

“Sirius I’m—” began Reg and looked at James before looking at his brother.

“I can leave if you want me to,” said James moving to get up, thinking Reg’s look was a cue he should take.

“No,” objected Reg as he shook his head. “You should… you should stay, you are part of our drama now.”

James returned this with a smile and got a smile back from Reg. He then realised the difference between Sirius and Regulus. Their facial features were very similar due to centuries of inbreeding but Regulus’ eyes were a slightly darker grey than Padfoot’s and James never had realised that before. Their stare lingered for a moment before James gestured for Regulus to finish his sentence.

“Siri, I’m sorry,” he blurted out. “I always figured you would leave someday and I thought if I behaved and did whatever they wanted me to do well, then you would be safe. All these times you protected me from their wrath and I just wanted to return the favour.”

“That Mark is no way to return a favour Reg,” responded Sirius, looking into their eyes for the first time in what felt like forever. “I would have rathered die than to let you get that Mark.”

“Can we just say you both love each other very much and stop talking about dying for each other?” James chimed in to lighten the mood. “All this talk about death and _you-know-whatever-the-fuck_ has made me hungry. Lunch?”

He got up and cleaned the dust from his pants and stretched his hand to the Black brother on the floor. Reg took it without hesitation. _James 1, Reg’s stubbornness 0._ When they were both up Sirius gave his brother a hug as if he was trying to break his bones.

“Okay Pads,” laughed James as he patted him on the back. “You both are doing fine finally. Now is not the time to break his ribs… or you know what? Break them, less competition for me on the Quidditch field.”

“I think you meant ‘less competition for Gryffindor’. You are not even the Seeker,” smirked Reg. “How am I a competition to you?”

“I’ll have you know, _Black_ , I am the captain,” replied James, raising his eyebrow.

“Makes no sense,” he said picking up speed towards the kitchen. “You just wanted to show off.”

“If you two are flirting, I _will_ throw up,” said Sirius from the kitchen. Reg stopped in his tracks and they both gave each other a terrified look because that wasn’t what was happening, it was just banter. When they entered the kitchen Sirius had a disgusting grin on his face. “I’m only kidding, of course,” was all that came out of his mouth before he gave a knowing look to him.

James had an inkling that Sirius wasn’t kidding but genuinely felt that way which was obviously an exaggeration of Reg and James’ non-existent, struggling friendship. James thought about this while trying to keep up with the conversation they were having at the lunch table but his mind was already occupied with what Sirius had said. He kept playing the past two days in his mind for no reason other than the fact that maybe his competition with himself about befriending Reg was getting out of hand, maybe he was doing too much. When James said they needed to have some sort of friendship with Regulus so they can live in the same house, this definitely wasn’t what he had planned. James shook his head and made himself realise through several well-thought-out arguments that Sirius was just being an arsehole for the sake of being one and there was nothing else. James was being an absolute idiot for trying to figure out what he meant and he should let it go. So he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *takes a deep breath*  
> idiots to friends to idiots to lovers  
> we got this


	4. Chapter 4

Regulus Black had never been a person of feelings. From the tender age of three, he had been taught that feelings were unnecessary, the only thing you needed was loyalty, loyalty to your family, loyalty to your blood and loyalty to your master. Regulus hadn’t been aware of other feelings before he came to Hogwarts. Sirius had always been more enthusiastic, dramatic and talkative than Regulus. Regulus understood their family values and acted accordingly which was _boring_ for Sirius but Regulus didn’t care, if he was safe from their wrath then it was fine.

Regulus first started recognising other feelings than loyalty and fear the moment he sat on the stool to be sorted. He had an inexplicable feeling in his stomach, it was as if someone used Furnunculus on it and it was boiling on its own. He was feeling nervous thinking about the house he would be sorted in. Then came second year where he started playing in the Quidditch team and caught his first Snitch against Ravenclaw. He felt pride and happiness at the same time, he wrote to his parents with the enthusiasm of a twelve year old, as anyone would, and didn’t even get a reply back. Walburga and Orion never approved of extracurricular activities but they were _letting_ Regulus have this one because he had been such a good boy when compared to Sirius and he was sorted into Slytherin unlike the older boy. Each year he had a new revelation; he got heart palpitations from excitement, he felt ashamed for turning an assignment in late and he felt like any teenager should… disgusted by anything that moves.

What he felt right now was stupid though. It was stupid because it wasn’t true. After Sirius said _whatever_ he said and Regulus and James shared that awkward stare in the corridor, all Reg could think about was whether Sirius was right and of course, he wasn’t. First of all, why would Potter flirt with him? He fancied that red head since forever. Second of all, why would Reg flirt with Potter? _Because… Potter? Really?_ He had several pureblood girls lined up to marry him which should be more than enough but all Reg could think of was whether he was being daft for ignoring something that was there. Was it there, though? Potter was generally a nice person from what he has heard (obviously not from Slytherins) and Regulus was his best friend’s little brother so it was only normal for him to be nicer to him. Also, they had showed up covered in mud a week ago at their doorsteps so obviously Potter pitied him, too. Regulus had tried so hard to tell himself that he was making up things that weren’t there. Things like the fact that Potter had checked him out that first time he walked into his bedroom or the fact that he always was in contact with him somehow but all these things were probably in Reg’s imagination and nowhere else.

How would it be though, if Potter was actually flirting with him and Reg was flirting back? What would Sirius say? He probably wouldn’t care since he was the one who started this whole shitshow in Reg’s mind and Sirius wasn’t the problem that worried Regulus the most. If Regulus so much as held Potter’s hand in public, his parents would disown him before he could say _Quidditch_. Their reaction to Sirius dating Remus was one for the “How Not To Parent” books and if they found out their other son was also gay and was in a relationship with a blood traitor, Reg didn’t know what would happen. His imagination wasn’t wide enough to envision the chaos that would ensue.

Reg thought about it, would he care if it came down to it? If he found true happiness in someone who loved him for whoever he was and accepted him with his past and his _defects_ , would he care what his parents thought? Would he ruin a good thing because he was so scared of their reaction? Would he be brave enough to say “this is who I love and if you can’t accept that then I guess this is it” like Sirius did? Would he ever meet someone who is worth this? Would Potter be worth this? _Probably_.

Reg didn’t know why he was thinking about this or why he thought Potter would be his salvation. Reg had never liked anyone let alone loved someone. He didn’t know what it was he was feeling when Potter was sitting too close or when he was asking questions no one asked before. He would try to put into words what he felt when he expected him to walk into his room every morning because that’s what he did, without missing a beat, _every single morning_ since the Black brothers came. He walked in, said “good morning”, smiled and went in Sirius’ room to wake him up. Every morning the first person Reg saw was James and he found out that this, surprisingly, didn’t bother him one bit. Reg liked this routine, it was one of the main things that made him settle in easier, something that made it feel like home. Even if there wasn’t something else like Sirius jokingly said there was, this routine calmed Regulus’ nerves because he had been on edge since Mr. Potter had that fight with whoever that day but he seemed to manage the situation better than anyone else Regulus knew.

Potters had been a blessing but their son had an interesting effect on Regulus and he couldn’t deny it. He knew it was too early to like someone or to fall for them, relationships didn’t happen overnight, at least that was what he saw from others. People spent months, even years, getting to know each other before they become lovers but Regulus knew he felt something and he didn’t want to name it but he also felt like he didn’t care what regular relationships were like. There was nothing _regular_ about the situation there were in and sometimes people’s hearts did stupid things. Regulus thought his was allowed to be an idiot for once in his life. This, of course, didn’t mean he would act on this feeling but it meant Regulus was free to dream about how it would be if somehow Potter reciprocated what he was feeling. How would Slytherin vs Gryffindor matches be if he had a boyfriend on the rival team that no one knew about? How would they meet when they were at Hogwarts? He was free to imagine these things without anyone knowing. He was free to roam free in his mind to see where it takes Regulus and never tell anyone about it.

That day passed by like a dream as Regulus sat on the porch and watched James and Sirius fly aimlessly in the garden. The dinner was normal, the conversations were normal there was nothing out of the ordinary as he crawled into his bed.

* * *

“Reg wake up,” someone whispered urgently in the dark, Reg could feel two strong hands holding him down but he couldn’t open his eyes even if he tried to. “You need to open your eyes, wake up.”

Regulus tried to break free of the hold of whoever was holding him down but they were too strong for him to shake off.

“Reg I’m here,” he assured and Regulus slowly melted into a trembling mess. “It’s me James. I’m here.”

Reg opened his eyes and saw James Potter hovering over him with no glasses, his face was pale and panic stricken.

“You were having a nightmare,” he explained as he let go of Regulus’ shoulders. He slowly sat on the side of Reg’s bed. “How Sirius didn't hear you is beyond me or maybe I’m a light sleeper… well, because we have a lot of nightmares in our room between Sirius and Remus.”

Regulus just stared at him trying to understand if he was awake or not, he tried to sit up but he couldn’t.

“So this is how it goes,” he said softly and Regulus kept staring at him without uttering a single word. “You scoot over and we sleep together.”

“T-that’s h-hardly necesss..” he tried to mumble back in an attempt to keep him from doing what he was attempting to do.

“This is how we get through nightmares in my house so you either scoot over or I push you to the side,” he said and Regulus could hear the soft smile that accompanied that sentence. He slowly scooted to the side and let James lie next to him. “Now, we sleep. Alright?”

“Right,” Reg answered.

“And Sirius calls you his brother for fuck’s sake,” he said before he turned on his side. “Night, Reg.”

“Yeah, night,” he replied back in pure shock. As if he would get a minute of sleep with the walking heater sleeping next to him. He could hear his breathing, he could feel his pulse through his skin and Potter was expecting him to sleep. Somehow, with Potter’s magic of soothing his nerves he thought, Regulus fell back asleep ten minutes later to wake up as a completely different person tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i butchered english while trying to tell you how reg felt. also i know it's such a boring trope but i'm a sucker for it especially with jegulus


	5. Chapter 5

The sun was coming through the window behind Regulus’ bed as he slowly tried to open his eyes. His bed was warmer than usual, it felt considerably smaller, too. Reg had absolutely no idea why it felt like that. He had vague memories of what happened last night. This always happened when he had nightmares, he remembered the terror but not what followed. When he tried to get his arm out to stretch that’s when he noticed his head wasn’t on his pillow. It was on something that radiated heat, a human maybe? Then it hit Reg like a ton of bricks. _Potter._ His head was on his _chest_ , on Potter’s _bloody_ chest. He could feel his breathing as his chest went up and down with each shallow breath he took and he was like a supernova with how warm his skin was. Reg would have said the sun but his mind would have went to Icarus and well, Reg had to intention of getting burnt. Supernovas suited Potter better anyways, not that this was important at the moment. He slowly lifted himself up but that was when he felt his arm around him. It went above his head and was right on his back which obviously woke James up.

“Hey,” he said sleepily before realising the position they were in and slightly jumping up. They spent a moment before James started talking again. “You’re feeling better?”

“Hmm,” replied Regulus, neither could look each other in the eye. They both sat up right and put some distance between each other as if they weren’t _cuddling_ five minutes ago. “Sorry I woke you up.”

“Nonsense,” he said relaxing a little bit but Reg could still see his muscles tense up. “Nightmares are the worse and from my experience Black nightmares are unbearable.”

“I can handle it,” shot back Reg, little stronger than he intended to but he was panicking and had no control over his emotions whatsoever.

“I know you can, Reg,” he assured softly, running a hand through his mess of a hair. “It doesn’t mean you should have to is all.”

“Thank you for checking in on me,” he murmured. “Not many people would have done that, let alone spend the night with them.”

“That’s how we do things in the Potter house,” he smiled. “Now I need to tell you something but don’t laugh please.”

Reg nodded silently and looked at him expectantly. If they could have banter, whatever happened this morning could be forgotten as quickly and swiftly as possible.

“I got too freaked out last night and forgot to put my glasses on when I came to your room,” he said with a grin on his face. “I can’t see shit at the moment and I think I ran into a door or a wall headfirst last night.”

“You what?! Are you okay?” gasped Reg and his hand want up to check on James’ face without thinking. He pushed his locks from his forehead to see if there was any damage. It was too late when he realised what he was doing but he retreated as normally as he can when he saw James was holding his breath as Reg was checking for scars.

“It’s nothing,” smirked James. He got that smirk whenever he talked about Quidditch. “I get hit by Bludgers all the time. If you could either help me get to my room or _please_ bring me my glasses, that would be peachy.”

“I’ll go get them,” said Reg looking for a reason to get away from him. Well, not really but for the sake of the current situation they were in. He got out of the room hastily being careful not to wake Sirius up knowing they would both be in trouble if Sirius were to find out. He then made his way to James’ room.

Reg opened the door fully expecting to see a mini Gryffindor Common Room but he was shocked to see he was completely wrong. The room was tidier than he thought it would be. The bed was unmade ,obviously, and the walls weren’t Gryffindor colours like Reg believed they would be. They were a shade of white that wasn’t as bright and there were many posters of Quidditch legends on his walls. James also had a wardrobe for the trophies he had won and a corner where he kept his old jerseys and racing brooms.

Reg made his way to James’ bedside to pick up his glasses and saw a picture of him from when he was a baby with his family. Euphemia and Fleamont’s joy could be seen even through a photograph and Reg felt the hole his parents left in them once again. Reg didn’t have any pictures from when he was a baby probably because Walburga and Orion felt they were unnecessary. If Reg had any pictures from his earlier years they were mostly taken at pretentious balls where he didn’t even look like himself. Reg took the glasses and left the room as silently as he came to go back to his own chambers without waking his brother up. Sirius wouldn’t be mad that they were in the same bed together, he would just make too much fun of them and Reg felt like neither of them could handle that as they should.

Reg saw that James was still sitting on his bed as he made his way towards him.

“Bless you,” said James as he put his glasses on. “I really should think before I act.”

They both laughed at that. Then silence fell again. It wasn’t that it was uncomfortable however it felt like they needed to talk about _it_. 

“Hey,” began James because Merlin knew Reg wouldn’t have started the conversation. “I’m sorry if you felt uncomfortable this morning. I didn’t do it on purpose. You started hyperventilating again and I woke up to check on you and I was trying to soothe you by running my hand up and down your arm and then you held onto mine as if you would die if you let go. So I found a position we would both be slightly more comfortable in and I—”

“Thank you,” whispered Reg. “Thanks James.”

“You’re welcome,” he acknowledged but his eyes were still filled with worry. “I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable _ever_ in this house and if I did anything that made you feel like that please say so. I would never want to make you f—”

“Potter _enough_ ,” scolded Reg. “ _No one_ , except Sirius, cared for me in my life. It’s nice to know there’s someone who is willing to run headfirst into a wall for me.”

“I’m not saying I am _willing_ to do it,” he laughed and his eyes were alight again. “I’m just saying if it comes down to it, I would do it again. Let’s go wake Sirius up.”

“You go ahead,” said Reg with a smile, he knew how hard it was to wake Sirius up. “I will be down in a minute.”

When James left his room, Reg took a deep breath. The room smelled like the chaser too but that was alright. He opened his window to let the crisp morning air in and breathed in deeply several times. He hadn’t noticed it when they were talking but Regulus’ heart was beating like the Snitch’s wings and he needed to calm himself down. That wasn’t a bad conversation, on the contrary, it was too good to be true if you asked Regulus. Potter was genuinely a nicer person than Reg thought he would but and he didn’t know how to respond to that. He had daydreams about the possibilities but he never thought Potter would fit into his narrative this beautifully and if this was the case, if Reg kept dreaming about what could be and if in the end it didn’t happen, Reg thought he would crash and burn with no return.

Reg closed his window and made his way downstairs to the bathroom. He splashed his face with cold water several times before going into the kitchen for breakfast.

They managed to have a eventless breakfast and then the boys got up to go out to the back patio like they usually did since Black brothers arrived. Their brooms were waiting for them and Reg hadn’t had the courage to mount one of them yet. He had missed flying a lot but he wasn’t used to flying on breaks because his parents never let him indulge his extracurricular activities back home.

“I think I might fly with you today,” he declared gesturing to the brooms. It was about time he did what he wanted to do and freed himself of his parents’ invisible grasp.

“I think I might sit this one out actually,” said Sirius. “My body is used to flying _with_ James not against him. Every part of me is screaming for help.”

“Drama queen,” laughed James and went to get his broom as Sirius rolled his eyes. “You’re still down for it, Black?”

“Sure,” he said with a smirk. James was a good Quidditch player but Reg was probably a better flyer. That’s why he was a Seeker and Potter wasn’t. “Let’s see what the Gryffindor captain is all about.”

There weren’t any rules to what they were doing but they were trying to beat each other at getting to certain spots or doing tricky dives that could be used in actual Quidditch games. Reg noticed James was exceptionally good at using his body shape to his advantage while doing dives and complicated turns but Reg was good at learning so towards the end of their flying session Reg was getting the hang of some of Potter’s _special_ moves.

“You know you can’t use those on the field, right?” he shouted from the other side of the garden. Reg knew he was quite serious but there was a wide grin on his face.

“How will you stop me from using them?” asked Reg with a smirk. Challenging him was the most fun he had in months.

“I will figure out a way,” he grinned back and Reg couldn’t tell if that was a threat or a promise but he didn’t feel like pushing it any further. It was fun and games until he had unreciprocated feelings for one Mr. James Potter and Reg was going to avoid that like the plague. His heart was fragile as is, he didn’t need to stomp on it and leave it to die.

They played for what felt like hours until Reg couldn’t anymore. James flew almost every day but Reg had taken a proper month off from flying when they came back home and he wasn’t ready for this much exercise yet.

“I don’t know why I tried to keep up with you, Potter,” he grunted in between his shallow breaths. “You will be the end of me.”

James laughed at that and Reg had to join in because he didn’t want to feel the weight of what he had just said. That sentence worked in two ways. First, James would be the end of him because Reg couldn’t keep up with him on a broom. Second, James would be the end of him if Reg ended up developing stronger feelings for him. Of course, James didn’t know about the second option so what Reg said sounded funny to him.

As the night time approached Reg felt excited and fearful at the same time. He was scared because what if he had a nightmare again? He was excited because _what if he had a nightmare again?_ Was it idiotic to want to have a nightmare so someone could come and check in on you preferably wearing their glasses so they don’t ruin their beautiful face? Probably. Did Regulus want it? _Absolutely_.

They were sitting in front of the fireplace in the living room before their bedtime. Sirius seemed more thoughtful than usual and Reg could feeling something brewing in his mind.

“I have a question,” he blurted out suddenly. “What do you think it will be like when we go to King’s Cross this September?”

“What do you mean?” asked James as cleaned his glasses with his t-shirt.

“Do you think,” he began with knitted eyebrows, seeming like he didn’t want to finish that question. “You know—”

“Do you think our parents would come to King’s Cross to get their hands on us?” Reg finished it for him without a second thought because he couldn’t stop thinking about it either. It was probably the reason why he had a nightmare last night. He couldn’t predict their reaction to them or to the Potter family and he was sincerely scared his birth parents might hurt the Potters.

“Exactly,” confirmed Sirius as he played with his long hair absentmindedly.

“Mum and dad wouldn’t let them near you,” said James with confidence. He genuinely seemed to believe in that but Reg found that very naïve. “I am aware that they are very powerful wizards but underestimating my parents is a grave mistake.”

Reg and Sirius gave each other a dark stare but they kept silent. Who were they to dishearten Potter? He was bound to see just how cruel their parents could get if they showed up on September 1st.

“I think I’m going to bed,” said Sirius with a half-smile. He slowly got up and they watched him leave with his head hung low.

“I think I might try sleeping, too,” said Reg and moved to get up from the couch. “Don’t worry about him, we’ve been through worse.”

“I worry about both of you,” he replied softly. “I don’t know what to do about it either. Just—if you feel like you won’t sleep well tonight, you can wake me up or just come curl up next to me. Alright?”

“Right,” agreed Reg but his voice came out barely as a whisper. “Night, Potter.”

“Night, Reg.”

Now Reg had two options. Either he could lie and say he couldn’t sleep and go sleep next to the walking heater that is James Potter or stay in his room and behave like he should. After thinking about it for a good ten minutes staring at the ceiling, Reg decided he should stay put. If he got too invested in this, he didn’t know the effect it would have on him. Although they didn’t do anything but sleep together, Regulus felt a lot of new emotions when he was that close to James and that was treacherous. Reg knew he was walking on a thin line but there was no point in making it harder for himself by removing the net while lighting a fire underneath himself and if he were to have a nightmare, well, that wouldn’t be a decision he made, that would be just how things worked out.

After this decision was made, Reg got comfortable in his bed and he was ready to sleep off the Quidditch exhaustion. The moment he put his head on his pillow he was overcome with the ridiculously sweet and spicy smell of James Potter. He tried flipping his pillow and cursed Merlin for not being able to do magic outside of Hogwarts. If he was able to do so he would have Scourgified the pillow in mere seconds and try to sleep peacefully. However as things stood, he had sleep inhaling the intoxicating smell of the Gryffindor captain. As he was drifting away his mind was racing with the thoughts of today and what tomorrow could bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually /loved/ writing this chapter and i hope you love it as much as i do!


	6. Chapter 6

It was such a lovely feeling being surrounded by one of the nicest smells Reg knew of. He opened his eyes stared at the door and saw James Potter by the door frame with a huge grin on his face as usual.

“Morning, Reg,” he said with his voice still hoarse.

“Morning,” he replied back with a smile, not something he does usually.

“Well look who is in a chipper mood,” he laughed and walked in casually to sit on his bed. “I assume you had a good night’s sleep?”

“I believe it was one of the best ones I had in a while,” he answered while yawning. Although he wished James ended up next to him, he was also glad he didn’t have a nightmare that scared the living shit out of him. James Potter was worth a lot of things but Reg wasn’t sure if he was worth the horror he experienced, _yet_.

“I’m glad you didn’t have another nightmare,” he added softly. His voice had something to it that made Reg feel like James truly did care about him and wasn’t just faking it for ulterior motives, whatever they may be.

“They are lurking somewhere in there Potter,” he confided grimly. “I know they are but last night, they let me sleep.”

“I’m here whenever they decide to bother you,” he assured once again and he moved to put his hand on Reg’s arm but decided not to a second later. Reg only wished he did just so he could feel the warmth of James’s skin but he tried to keep a poker face regardless. “Breakfast?”

Reg nodded in reply and got out of the bed to get dressed for breakfast. James moved onto his brother’s room to wake him up next. James always woke Sirius up in the loudest ways possible, very contrary to how he woke up Reg, he appreciated that a lot.

When they went down to have some breakfast they saw Euphemia and Fleamont sitting around the table with gloomy looks on their faces. Reg knew instantly that it had something to do with their parents.

“What did they do?” he croaked without even sitting on the table.

“They went to the Wizengamot,” replied Fleamont. Reg liked that he was blunt and gave it to them straight. He loved that Fleamont never treated them as children but as people who can take care of themselves. He never treated them as fragile beings. “Well not to the Wizengamot officially but they are pulling all the strings they can. They complained about us saying we _kidnapped_ you.”

“Bollocks!” yelled Sirius in sudden rage.

“Sirius, language!” shot back Euphemia and Sirius, for the first time in his life probably, looked ashamed of himself.

“No need to panic,” explained Fleamont as he took a sip from his tea. “I have talked to _my_ contacts in Wizengamot, we gave them Euphemia’s memories from the night you arrived, told them we would testify with Veritaserum if we have to…”

“YOU DON’T!” shouted Sirius once again interrupting the older man. Fleamont gave him a look that sent shivers down even Regulus’ spine.”

“Let me _finish_ , son,” he cautioned coolly. For the first time since they arrived, Reg could easily tell Fleamont’s age. He was acting collected but the darkness around his eyes told a completely different story and Reg never felt so grateful for him before this. This family, with all they were doing for the Black brothers, deserved the world and nothing less. “We said we would do it because we have no intentions of sending either of you back to them. Walburga is hellbent on getting _you_ back Regulus.”

“Of course she would be,” sneered Reg. “Of course, she would want _me_ back.”

“We are not sending Reg back right?” gasped James, his voice was filled with genuine concern and it made Reg’s heart flutter even in this situation. “We _can’t_ send him back.”

“We are not sending anyone, anywhere,” said Fleamont, his voice commanding and strong. “Except to Hogwarts, when the time comes. Now, all of you sit down and drink some tea, please. You are on edge and it’s tiring, this situation is as demanding as it is.”

“Yessir” was what came out of their mouths simultaneously as they found their places around the table. James was shaking his legs violently while Sirius stared at the empty plate before him.

“I don’t think it will come down to us testifying,” continued Fleamont, holding is gigantic and piping hot teacup. “However, we have to be ready when we go back on 1st of September. Walburga is more than ready to make this ugly and I don’t want to risk her using this as an excuse to use magic in front of Muggles.”

“She would do that, dad?” asked James incredulously.

“Sure she would, son,” replied his dad. “She would like nothing more than being out in the open and not in hiding. Sacred 28 finds the International Statute of Secrecy limiting and humiliating for Wizarding kind. They believe we are superior and therefore deserve to do whatever we please.”

“Arseholes,” whispered Sirius but the kitchen was so silent that it was impossible for it to go unheard.

“Sirius you will use proper words in _my_ house or so help me Merlin you will clean the outside shack on your own,” threatened Euphemia. They were used to being threatened but there were kindness in Mrs. Potter’s eyes instead of fury. Her threat wasn’t meant to hurt Sirius, it was meant to enforce a logical rule that Sirius should follow. Reg didn’t fear Euphemia, he respected her however, he feared Walburga and she mistook that for respect for the longest time. Maybe this would open her eyes but Reg doubted that.

“Maybe we should go separately,” suggested Reg, cutting through the silence.

“And offer you as bait?” scolded James, looking at him as if he had lost his mind.

“Not as bait per se but you would be safer.”

“Well, I don’t want to be safe if _you_ are in danger,” he said and Reg felt his heart try to beat out of his chest. It sounded like everyone in the room had disappeared and they were having a conversation between themselves. Neither wanted the other to get hurt and were willing to put themselves in danger in order to protect the other. _This is not a fairytal_ e.

“We will figure something out boys,” assured Fleamont with a soft smile as he pushed his hair back. “For now let’s eat.”

The more they flew together, the more Reg felt like James Potter was the only driving force behind Gryffindor. The way he moved impressed Regulus to no limits and he felt like he was learning a lot from him although that wasn’t James’ intention. He only had two intentions when he was on a broom; to play and to win. All those complex emotions he had outside of the field boiled down to two when he was the Chaser of his Quidditch team.

Their days had a routine now. Breakfast, flying, lunch, helping with the house chores or flying, dinner, chatting and playing games by the chimney and going to sleep. It was a nice routine, Regulus wasn’t bored and he felt safe in the Potter Manor. He felt safe because James was there. This boy that he barely knew instilled this feeling in him and Reg couldn’t let it go, not that he wanted to.

However he also knew, all good things came to an abrupt end. When they went back to Hogwarts, there was no way James would treat him the way he did know and there was no way Reg could hang out with Gryffindors the way he did now if he wanted to survive in the Slytherin Common Room. Not that any of them would _dare_ touch a Black but Reg liked that no one tried to bother him or talked behind his back and if by some miracle James continued his friendship with him, that would all be gone.

By the day had come to an end and Reg was lying in his bed all alone, thoughts of what could happen on 1st of September started creeping into his mind and darkened his thoughts. He wasn’t afraid of what their parents might do to them, he knew what they were capable of but the Potters didn’t and if any of them got hurt because of Reg and Sirius, Reg didn’t know if he could forgive himself ever. The thought of Walburga doing anything to James because he was less capable of protecting himself became Reg’s worst fear in mere minutes. He could feel his body tense up and his skin go cold. This was the perfect time to take James up on that offer and maybe save himself from the trouble of waking up screaming in the middle of the night.

Reg waited for a while before he slowly got out his bed. He wanted to make sure Sirius was asleep before walking across to the Gryffindor Chaser’s room.

Reg didn’t know if he should knock the door or if he should just barge in. He slowly opened the door and looked inside to check if James was awake. The boy shuffled in his bed and turned towards the door with narrowed eyes.

“Pads, is that you?” he mumbled, barely awake.

“Um, no.”

“Oh, Reg, hi,” he replied trying to find his glasses in a hurry. “Are you okay?”

“I’m not,” he said, his voice trembling. “Talks about 1st of September really took its toll on me. I was wondering if I could take you up on that offer to sleep next to you?”

“Of course you can Reggie,” he said softly and scooted over to the other side. “Make yourself comfortable. _I got you_.”

Regulus lied next to James, putting distance between them placing himself as further away from James as possible. He didn’t want James to get the wrong idea. Reg was truly scared of a nightmare tonight but he was also craving the effect James had on him. The feeling of safety and the feeling of being cared about. Now in this bed with him, feeling heat radiate from his dark skin, Reg felt like whatever may come during his sleep would hurt him less. Maybe it was irrational for him to feel this way but he wasn’t complaining about the way his mind was working at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi yes this is slow burn calling, even I'm tired
> 
> i'm not


	7. Chapter 7

What would his mother say? What would she say if she saw her only son, that she accepts to be of her blood now, was lying next to a blood traitor? James Potter and his family were blood traitors, there was no doubt about that. They weren’t as bad as Mudbloods, obviously but still they wanted to taint magic blood. Walburga had a different level of hatred regarding the Potters feeling they were the ones to make Sirius the way he is when he had been this way since Reg could remember. Walburga thought the Potters took her heir and she wanted revenge since forever. What would she say if she saw her other son, the one who was meant to become the heir, seek refuge in the Potter boy? Reg didn’t have a clue. He didn’t have the imagination to understand the wrath she would have if she were to find out.

Maybe she though Reg wanted to come back home but couldn’t because of the Potters, maybe she really believed that. That was really stupid of her but maybe she hoped she could still make a proper son out of Regulus. She had lost that fight a long abo with Sirius but never accepted it until a few weeks back and now, she probably had a hard time accepting Reg was turning out the way the other Black boy did. _Pity_. They could have been a lovely family if Walburga wasn’t as batshit crazy. They could have had what the Potters have only if their hearts weren’t filled with hate.

As Reg was thinking about all the ways his family was fucked up, James shuffled in his sleep. His limbs were long, and the bed wasn’t wide enough for two people his size and Reg was very slightly shorter than he was. James was on his side at the beginning and now he was lying on his back with his arms folded behind his head as if he was sunbathing, the boy had the weirdest habits but Reg found them charming. It was quite hard for Reg to feel comfortable with people other than Sirius but in this moment, Reg felt James provided him with the same feeling of relief that his brother did but there was something more to James obviously. He was radiating heat like the sun and Reg felt the warmth on his skin and it made him feel home. He didn’t have any idea where his home was but this, his dark skin against is almost transparent one, felt what people described as home.

September 1st was approaching quite fast and it was becoming evident that it wouldn’t be a normal day as everyone hoped it would be. Everyone knew that, they just didn’t say anything. Fleamont and Euphemia never talked about it because they didn’t want to scare the Black brothers and Sirius chose to ignore it. James, on the other hand, knew something would go down but he was also very sure that whatever it was, they would get through it no matter what. The boy had enough hope to save the world.

Reg tried to shuffle slowly to settle and sleep but not knowing the room his hand hit James’ bedside lamp, startling the Gryffindor chaser.

“Mm, Reg?”

“Yeah, sorry,” mumbled Reg softly.

“Issokay,” whispered James as he got his hand from behind his head and slowly played with Reg’s hair without even opening his eyes. Reg froze in shock but he also felt the familiar tingle whenever James got too close take over his body. He then turned on his side to continue his slumber.

It was a very simple gesture which didn’t mean much to him but it meant the world to Reg. It was probably a way for James to show he was there but Reg never had anyone do anything like that before. Maybe Reg wasn’t to read into this but he was going to regardless. His logic was starting to take the backseat recently as he started trusting his heart more and more. It was a mistake but Reg was willing to take the risk.

“WAKE UP YOU F-“ yelled Sirius as he entered through the door of James Potter’s room and stopped in his tracks the moment his eyes landed on Reg. “ What?”

James was trying to find his glasses over Reg on his bedside table as Sirius was still staring at them.

“Good morning you arsehole,” said James calmly, as if this was all normal. “How did you wake up?”

“Did you have a nightmare?” asked Sirius completely ignoring what James was saying.

“Yeah,” mumbled Reg.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“James woke up himself,” he replied feeling his skin warm up with shame. He could feel Sirius was feeling bad about not being there for him.

“He always does,” smiled Sirius slightly. Reg could tell he had experienced this before, several times on different occasions. He could see this was something James did all the time. “You okay now?”

“Kinda,” said Reg as he pulled himself up from the bed, Sirius came and sat next to him. “I just didn’t want to put the weight of how I feel on you, too. I know between this and Remus, you’re worn out.”

“It’s… it’s fine,” he stuttered. Even the mere mention of Remus’ name made Sirius look smaller. Reg knew what happened but he didn’t know what was the situation between the boys. All he knew was if Remus were to reject Sirius completely, there was no going back for Sirius, the darkness would consume him whole if he lost the werewolf. “I know how James’ bed helps you fall asleep. Been there done that.”

“It’s _not_ the bed Pads,” smirked James as he gestured to himself with his fingers. “It’s _all_ me.”

“He is modest, too,” added Reg with a grin that made the Gryffindor Chaser laugh. “He’s been very helpful.”

“I got you,” he reminded. “I told you as long as you stay here, I got your back.”

 _As long as you stay here_ sounded like curse words to Reg because it showed him the threat of losing James Potter once they went back to Hogwarts. Reg always knew this was a possibility but he never knew James would say it out loud.

The trip to Hogwarts got closer and closer and Regulus fell deeper and deeper. He fell into the pit of despair he felt because he didn’t want to confront his parents but also he fell into the comfort James Potter created for him. He didn’t know what was going to happen at King’s Cross but somehow he was more scared of what would happen when they made it to Hogwarts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter we're going to Hogwarts y'all


	8. Chapter 8

The bed felt like a black hole on the morning of 1st of September. Usually Reg would be slightly relieved because he would be leaving home for a while but today was a different story. James came to wake him up as always, his nightmares had taken a break and Reg thought sleeping next to the Chaser was the same as professing his undying love for him which was obviously not true but Reg had a knack for exaggeration and drama courtesy of his family. Blacks liked their drama and that’s why Reg was as scared as he was on this lovely autumn day.

The weather was surprisingly good even though it had been raining for the past few days in Godric’s Hollow. Reg had already made his bags and fit the books James gave him from his previous years, too. Sirius and Reg hadn’t been allowed to go to Diagon Alley so all of their book shopping had been done by the Potters. James had been kind enough to give him his old books with notes on them that he thought would help Reg out this year. His writing was a mess but Reg appreciated his thoughtfulness. The reason they weren’t allowed to go was because they might run into their cousins and their families and create unnecessary tension in the Diagon Alley.

Both Reg and Sirius weren’t very talkative as they sat around the table for breakfast. Just when Fleamont put his newspaper down, the door rang. He got up his chair and went to the door to get it. It was unlike him to open the door himself but Reg didn’t say anything.

“I’m glad you were able to make some time today for us,” he said to the stranger and Reg could hear him slap the newcomer on his back the way he did. “I heard some very good things about you, it’s refreshing to see an Auror as dedicated and as smart as you are Alastor. Are those scars new?”

“Ah yes sir,” laughed Alastor. The man was tall with broad shoulders. Despite some of the scars on his face, he was good-looking. He had blonde hair and his blue eyes shined with curiosity and genuine respect when he looked at Fleamont. “We had a run in with some rogue Goblins but I will survive. I was glad to hear you asked for me specifically.”

“Well, this is not your usual tempo,” he smiled showing him a place to sit. “But I need someone I can trust and well, I trust you.”

“Just because it’s not usual Auror work, doesn’t mean it’s not important, sir,” he replied and turned to the boys. “James’ father and I worked on a case together a few years back, just when I had become an Auror. One could say your dad saved my career and _my left arm_.”

“Dad!” yelled James with excitement. “I don’t remember you working with Aurors! That’s amazing!”

“Because I kept it a secret,” answered Fleamont. “You don’t go around telling you work with Aurors, son, that’s not very smart.”

“He is right, James,” winked Alastor, he had a mischievous look to him but it felt like he could be very scary if he wanted to.

“He knows my name!” mouthed James excitedly. Seeing him excited brought immense joy to Regulus, it was like watching a five year old fly for the first time.

“Sirius and Regulus, this is Alastor,” introduced Fleamont and the Auror gave them a small smile. “He will be with us today in case anything goes wrong. Now, his existence does _not_ mean your parents will do something but if they do, having an Auror with us is going to, at least, inhibit them from doing something royally idiotic like performing magic in front of Muggles and if it comes down to it, at least we can act fast.”

The boys nodded in unison but didn’t make a sound.

“You both need to stop acting like whatever is going on is your fault,” interfered Euphemia and she put her hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “Whatever happens today happens and we will do our best to end up with the least damages. Deal?”

“Deal,” they both murmured and they got up to get ready for their move to King’s Cross.

“Have you all Apparated before?” asked Alastor as he checked his wand and other belongings.

“We have,” said Sirius for both of them and James nodded in agreement. “Our parents used to take us to King’s Cross by Apparition each time.”

“I threw up the first time around,” confessed James with a huge grin on his face. “But I’m better now.”

“Alright then,” he gave James a reassuring pat on the back before continuing. “James you’re with me and Regulus can go with Mrs. Potter and sir, if you could accompany Sirius then we are all set.”

Euphemia walked by Reg’s side and smiled at him softly. Her features made Regulus feel warm inside, like the first time he felt sun on his skin. She made him feel like even if something went wrong, she would be the first one to help him get up and fix things. Reg thought that was probably what having a mother felt like.

“Are you ready, dear?” she asked, knowing full well Reg wasn’t ready.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” he replied trying to look self-confident but failing miserably.

Euphemia then put her hand around Reg's shoulder as if she was going to hug him and spun around herself gently, Reg felt the familiar pull of Apparition and landed on his feet seconds later.

“That was the easiest side-apparition I was involved in,” smiled Reg. Even the way they performed magic had differences with Walburga and it showed in situations like this.

“I’m glad,” she smiled back and ruffled his hair gently. She looked around them to see if there was anything wrong and then started walking in the others’ direction. As they approached Reg realised James looked pale.

“James, you okay?” he asked unable to hid the concern in his voice.

“Apparition is not one of my strongest suits,” mumbled Alastor trying to make sure James was doing alright, he looked genuinely sad. “Sorry, I really am trying to get better.”

“No that’s fine,” whispered James as he gained composure of himself. “I’m fine, this is fine.”

The adults were on edge but nothing seemed wrong as they walked towards Platform 9 ¾. Muggles stared but that was always to be expected, they were carrying three broomsticks and an owl. As they got ready to walk through the passage to the platform, Reg felt relieved that his parents didn’t show up and he could see the same relief on Sirius’ face. However the adults didn’t seem to think so as they checked and rechecked everything.

“We’ll go through in pairs as we did with Apparition,” announced Alastor and took James by his side before they could even nod. “See you on the other side.”

James and Alastor went through and then Sirius and Fleamont disappeared into thin air. Finally Reg and Euphemia started walking towards the wall, before finding themselves on Platform 9 ¾. The platform was crowded beyond belief and it was really hard to see anyone in this mess and Reg felt thankful for that.

“Come along,” said Fleamont with urgency. “Let’s get you all into a compartment and call it a day.”

They pushed through the crowd as fast as they can but before they could reach the train Reg felt a shiver go down his spine.

“Oh there you are,” came Walburga’s sound mere seconds later. Reg hid behind the first person he found lest his mother saw him. “I was worried these… _people_ wouldn’t get you to the platform on time.”

“Hello Walburga,” said Fleamont with his voice as cold as ice. “Hadn’t heard from you in the longest time. Do you have any other made-up stories you would like to share with the public about my family or are we going to be civilised today?”

Walburga stared at them dumb-founded. Reg was hiding behind Alastor as best as he can, trying to avoid his mother’s scathing stares. He saw Sirius hid behind Euphemia the same way he did.

“Won’t you at least let me see my sons, Euphemia?” she sneered. Reg couldn’t see her face but he could hear her disgust. “How would _you_ feel if your boy was stolen from you and you couldn’t see him for weeks?”

“They didn’t steal us you vile woman,” shouted Sirius before anyone could do anything to stop him. “We ran! We ran away FROM YOU!”

The whole platform was watching them, this was what Reg wanted to avoid, Reg didn’t want people to stare at him at school and talk about what happened ant the King’s Cross but it was too late now.

“SHUT UP SIRIUS!” she shot back, just like old times in Grimmauld Place,12. “You are a shame to my blood. You tainted Regulus, too. I never want you back at _my_ house. Not now, not even after I _die_. Go rot in whatever Mudblood hole you find.”

A collective gasp came from the crowd around them. Being a Purist was one thing but being so out in the open about it wasn’t very welcomed, especially with Muggleborns and Half-bloods around. Everyone _knew_ they were Purists but people didn’t go around shouting slurs at each other regardless.

“I think it’s useless for you to cause a commotion today Walburga,” said Euphemia, each of her words were meant to sting. Reg never saw hatred on Euphemia’s face before today and she looked like she could bring down the whole platform if she had to. Reg thought, that’s what it must be like to have a mother that cares about you and then he realised Euphemia was looking like that because of him and Sirius maybe she wasn’t their birth mother but she had done more for them than Walburga ever did in her life. Giving birth to someone wasn’t the only definition of being a mother and Reg learned that when she saw the fire in Euphemia’s eyes. “We both know your _sons_ are only pieces of meat to you that you had no problem maiming a few weeks back, don’t act like you care all of a sudden.”

Reg didn’t know what happened but he felt something ignite in his heart. Maybe it was the way James stared at Walburga and Orion like he would jinx them any minute, maybe it was the nonchalance of Fleamont and how he stood up from them from the very beginning or maybe it was the war cry of a mother hidden in carefully chosen words.

“We have a train to catch,” Reg said coming out from Alastor’s back. “ _If_ you don’t mind.”

James looked at him with a sparkle to his eyes that gave Reg even more courage, he could see the pride in the Chaser’s eyes. Reg then took his trolley and started pushing it forward, directly towards Walburga and Orion who hadn’t said one single word through all of this.

“What—what are you doing?” yelled Walburga as she refused to move but Reg didn’t plan on stopping. “You daft boy!”

Orion jumped out of the way and pulled Walburga with him because it looked like she wasn’t planning to move. Reg heard her snarl but didn’t look back. James and Sirius were right behind him with their trolleys and Alastor, Euphemia and Fleamont were following close behind. When they reached the train and started unloading their belongings Fleamont pulled him into a giant hug.

“I’m so proud of you, my boy,” he laughed and as he pulled back from the hug, a giant smile had made its way to Reg’s face. Alastor watched from the side as he gave an approving nod.“We are expecting you _both_ back for Christmas.”

“I can’t wait to come back, sir,” he replied and turned to Euphemia who put her hand on his cheek and looked at him so lovingly, Reg thought he was dreaming.

“I am _so_ proud of you,” she began and pulled Sirius with her free hand. “Both of you! That was no small thing you both did.”

“Thank you, Mrs Potter,” they said in unison and Reg saw a genuine spark to Sirius’ eyes after the longest time.

“James, behave,” ordered Euphemia as she hugged her son before they got on the train to leave for Hogwarts.

“Don’t I always?” he smirked and everyone, including Alastor, knew he blatantly lied.

As they walked through the cold corridors of the Hogwarts Express, James and Sirius found the compartment Remus and Peter were in. Reg said “hi” and moved forward to sit with other Slytherins, not that he cared but he didn’t belong in the Marauders’ compartment.

“OI!” shouted James after him half a minute later. “Where are you going? Aren’t you going to sit with us?”

“Can I?” asked Reg incredulously.

“After that shit you just pulled, you can do _anything,_ ” he said with a grin. “Don’t you feel like it?”

“Actually,” smiled Reg. “I really do.”

Reg slowly got settled between James and Sirius in the compartment and felt the tension between Remus and Sirius cut the air. This was going to be one of the weirdest rides to Hogwarts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how did you like Alastor? I gave him a different kind of personality because the First Wizarding War hasn't happened yet. I hope you liked it.


	9. Chapter 9

Reg thought knew what had happened, at least he had heard some parts of it from Sirius. He had learned about Remus’ _condition_ last year when Sirius asked Reg to cover for him on a particularly bad full moon. Sirius wasn’t the best under stress and he had let it slip, not that Reg wasn’t aware of the situation. Every full moon they spent at Grimmauld Place, 12 Sirius was a mess and every full moon they spent at Hogwarts, he was nowhere to be found. He was gloomy and silent, inconsolable. Reg also knew he was sitting in the same car as three unregistered animagi but he wasn’t going to tell anyone about that either. It had been funny to watch Sirius and James try to keep it a secret while making the worst puns imaginable. Sirius hadn’t let that slip though, Reg had figured it out himself through research and _well_ , spying on his brother occasionally.

It felt like there were Dementors around them in the car. Peter was staring intently at the two boys with blue eyes as James was looking out the window as if there wasn’t anything wrong. He wasn’t going to break the silence and Reg knew that, James always had something to say but rarely, he knew when to shut up. Sirius was looking at the carpet and Remus was seemingly sleeping. Reg nudged James with his knee to get his attention and Peter raised his eyebrows towards Remus to get James to do something about this. It was true that making sure Siri and Remus solved this themselves but the tension in the car was unbearable.

“How was your summer, Moons?” he asked startling the werewolf.

“Standard,” he replied with a monotone voice. “Two full mo—”

He stopped mid-sentence and stared at Reg, realising what he had done.

“He knows,” whispered Sirius, his eyes still locked on the carpet.

“I’m sorry,” growled Remus and Reg could hear his bloodstream. “I didn’t catch that.”

“He knows,” he repeated, this time locking eyes with the werewolf. “He fucking knows.”

“Fucking Merlin, Sirius!” yelled Remus, his anger was a sight to behold. “Anyone who you haven’t told yet? Maybe you would like to tell the trolley lady as well, yeah? Don’t forget about Filch’s fucking cat, she might as well know, too!”

The silence was deafening. Peter was staring at his friends shell-shocked.

“I would never tell,” disclosed Reg. “I promise, I would never tell anyone Remus.”

“That’s not the issue, Reg,” commented James and gave his arm a small squeeze, to let him know Remus wasn’t angry at him. “It’s not _you_. It’s Sirius’ incredible inability to think before he fucking speaks.”

Silence, again. Silence wasn’t something Blacks were comfortable with. Peter was shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Did you know about this, James?” asked Remus through gritted teeth. “Did you, Wormy?”

They both shook their heads to say “no”. James started staring out the window again, this time with shinier eyes as if he could cry if anyone so much as touched him and Reg did. He gave his shaking leg a soft pat to keep him from shaking the whole damn train. He kept staring out but softly patted Reg’s hand as if to say “thank you”, Reg retreated his hand to his lap with his heart racing like a wild horse.

“No offense Reg but I have to do this,” warned Remus before turning to James again. Reg didn’t even move. “Prongs, do you trust him?”

“I do,” he babbled and gave Reg a very slight smile. “I would trust him with my secrets and with yours, too.”

“Reg, I hope you understand the severity of this secret, unlike your brother,” he said calmly.

“I do,” he replied. “I really do and although I’m not much help on full moons, I will do my best to help all of you during those times. I’m a masterclass liar and I’m quite good at covering for people… of course, I didn’t lie just then.”

“I know,” chuckled Remus and Reg felt and immense relief for making him smile, even if it was just for a second but it turned to a frown the moment he set his eyes back on Sirius. “I can believe you keep hurting me like this.”

“I didn’t m—”

“Yes, we know,” he interrupted and he took a deep breath, it seemed like he was trying to calm his nerves. “You didn’t _mean_ to but you never mean to do anything Sirius. You let a secret that could get me killed get found out by Severus of all people. _Severus!_ ”

No reply. That would mean, Remus was right and Sirius had let Severus learn Remus was a werewolf. Regulus loved his brother with all his heart but Sirius was one of the biggest idiots he had the misfortune to meet in his life. He also knew that Sirius wouldn’t shut up if he knew he was right.

“I forgave so many things Pads,” reminded Remus, exasperated. “I can’t forgive this. Don’t ask me to forgive this. “

“No one’s expecting you to, Moons,” said Peter softly. “You’re right to be angry and whatever you decide to do, we are here for you.”

“I know, Petey,” Remus exhaled. “I think I would rather be alone for a while on full moons, until I feel comfortable again.”

“But Moons,” began James but Reg nudged him again. Remus seemed genuinely hurt but also very traumatised by everything that happened. Reg didn’t know the details but felt like the pain in his amber eyes reflected something more than his secret being out.

“I almost killed him,” he whispered and Reg felt blood run cold in his veins. “He is alive thanks to you James, I almost _killed_ him.”

“We are not doing the ‘woe is me’ again Sirius,” said James firmly and Reg could feel the sting of his words even if they weren’t meant for him. “Yes, you almost killed him and yes, you fucked up royally. It’s a miracle Remus is still sitting here with us in this car and what Remus will decide to do aside, I swear to Merlin I will haunt you if do something like this again.”

Silence. Sirius looked paler than usual. James had a positive effect on Siri and one had to be absolutely clueless not to see that. However, Reg could tell that positive effect was the result of James’ hard work and seeing Sirius ruin everything James worked so hard for to make him reach his true potential as a genuinely good person must have broken James to a thousand pieces. Reg could tell because the disappointment and anger in his voice were apparent like the clouds in London sky.

“Do you hear me?”

“I do,” mumbled Sirius and it struck Reg to see his reaction to being scolded by James compared to being scolded by one of their parents. When Walburga said something to him he seemed bigger, his voice was always louder and his actions were grand as well, as if he was trying to occupy more space to drown out Walburga. Yet with James, he seemed smaller, his voice inaudible and his hands tied together on his lap with his eyes locked on the car’s floor. Siri knew the disappointment of his friends but he was too late to realise the result of his actions as usual.

“Re if you don’t have something to say,” began Peter and looked at his werewolf friend who nodded softly for him to continue. Reg examined the smaller boy’s reaction to all of this. He seemed to take every word in, taking Remus’ side, as any normal person would, and being very careful not to further hurt Remus or completely break things off with Sirius. Reg could tell he cared, unlike what other people said about him being the tag along and saying “yes” to everything the Marauders want from him. James seemed to listen intently to him as well, as if what would come out of Peter’s mouth could fix things, further reassuring that the whole school was wrong about the shorter lad. “I don’t want this to be forgotten or to be forgiven, I don’t think that would be a wise thing to do but I want Sirius, and all of us really, to learn from this. I honestly will respect whatever Moons decides, if he wants to spend full moons without us, I will respect his wish and be ready to help him if he decides he wants us back but I just—I really don’t want to lose what we have all together and what I have with each one of you. I just wanted to share that in case well, _you know_ , I can’t.”

Reg felt the Dementor-like feeling leave the car, like something had slightly changed or as if someone changed a setting for the group somewhere. Sirius was still looking at the floor with eyes filled to the brim with tears, James was looking at Peter with a brotherly smile, Remus was looking outside thinking about his next move and Peter was softly smiling as if he was reminiscing the good times he had with his friends. It felt like an era was coming to an end without many words. Hogwarts would be a very different place without the shenanigans of the Marauders, that made Reg’s insides hurt. The thought of them no longer being friends was something that even he couldn’t process, he didn’t know what would they do if that was the case but Reg felt like Peter’s speech lit another fire in them that might turn things in Sirius’ favour.

Without a word all five boys moved to get their robes on as they approached Hogwarts. Reg had a sinking feeling in his gut that wasn’t at all related to what just happened. He now started to feel the heaviness of not being able to be with James each day since if any Slytherin saw him hanging out with the Gryffindors, only Merlin knew what would happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops sorry i have been gone too long. i was moving and changing my job and so many other things. i'm kinda back, not fully. i hope to finish this before 2020 ends.
> 
> i hope you enjoy this chapter. i specifically enjoyed how i analysed marauders' realtionship from reg's (so my) perspective. peter and sirius & james were fun to write.
> 
> hugs to all darlings, see you in hogwarts.


End file.
